Jake Roberts No-Shows Drug Deal

STONE MOUNTAIN, GA — Independent professional wrestler Jake “The Snake” Roberts no-showed an important drug deal Saturday night in Athens, GA, leading close friends and family to become concerned about his well-being.

The deal was supposed to go down behind “Chuck’s Bowl-O-Rama,” in a dark alley just a few blocks from the Athens flea market, where Roberts was to have wrestled that night against Doink the Clown.

Roberts no-showed his wrestling match as well.

“This has NEVER happened,” said Roberts’ downtown Georgia drug dealer, who spoke on the condition of anonymity.

“I’ve been Jake’s dope dealer for over 15 years, and he has never once missed a deal. I’m greatly concerned for his health.”

His family wasn’t worried about the wrestling no-show, but was greatly troubled when they learned he never showed up for the deal behind the bowling alley.

“Missing the Doink match was no big deal. He always does that,” said Robert’s sister, known to wrestling fans as “Rockin’ Robin.”

“But he had been talking about this drug deal for months. That’s all he could talk about whenever we’d talk. Chuck’s Bowl-a-Rama, Chuck’s Bowl-a-Rama. There’s no way he would’ve missed this unless it was really serious.”

According his dealer, Jake was to receive 1 kilo (2.2 pounds) of cocaine imported directly from South America, along with several bags crystal meth.

The drugs were scheduled to last Jake about a month, after which he’d meet with his dealer again in the parking lot of “Steak N’ Shake” for a gallon of heroin and two dozen hits of acid.

“Do you know what I had to go through to get this stuff?” asked the dealer. “This is top of the line sh*t, and I got it specifically for Jake. And he stands me up. In the late 1990s, this never would have happened. He better not keep this up, because I got a mortgage to pay.”

Roberts experienced a resurgence in late 2005 when World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) released a career retrospective DVD on him, featuring an in-depth biography and several of his best matches from the past.

Sam Houston, Jake’s brother, called from prison to express his concern for man known for popularizing the DDT.

“Ever since the DVD, Jake has been a different man,” said Houston.

“The royalties from the DVD kept rolling in, and money and wrestlers are not a good mix. To some people, more money means better presents for Christmas. For Jake Roberts, more means better drugs for Christmas.”

Roberts developed a reputation in the late 1980s for frequent no-shows of wrestling events. The trend continued in World Championship Wrestling (WCW), Smoky Mountain Wrestling (SMW), Extreme Championship Wrestling (ECW), dozens of independent promotions, and again years later for WWE. This behavior cost him his job numerous times.

Roberts was one of several wrestlers profiled in the Beyond the Mat documentary. In the movie, Roberts detailed his estranged relationship with his daughter and father, wrestling legend Jake “Grizzly” Smith.

Jake is also seen in the movie talking about having sex with multiple ugly women with sex toys, and how difficult it would then be to go home and make love to his wife.

One of those wives was Cheryl Roberts, who participated in a well known wrestling angle with Roberts and the late “Ravishing” Rick Rude.

In the angle, Rude propositioned Cheryl, who then said her husband was Jake Roberts, and slapped Rude.

“This is why I left that bum,” said Cheryl, when notified of the no-show. “He used to be so messed up in the ’90s that he’d no-show a no-show. So it’s no surprise to me that he’s now missing major drug deals.”

Jake’s dealer said the drug deal would be rescheduled for later in the week, in the men’s bathroom at the Shell gas station on Main Street.

Roberts could not be reached for comment.