Remembering Nicole Bass

The death of Howard Stern Wack Packer Nicole Bass saddened me this week, and in a pure coincidence, it happened just two days after we posted a Pick My Brain interview with fellow Wack Packer Fred the Elephant Boy.

I remember Nicole Bass all the way back in 1993 for her memorable appearances on the Howard Stern Show, which I was a diehard fan of until the show jumped the shark in the late 2000s. Her segments were always hilarious because of the unique character she was, and for her ability to take the constant jokes from Stern and Fred Norris. It was all in good fun, because if she wanted to, she could’ve snapped either one of them in half.

We were glad to see Nicole Bass see success in pro wrestling in later years, even though she wasn’t much in the ring. It’s unfortunate things ended on a bad note when she sued the company, and to WWE’s credit, they never backed down from what was an obvious attempt at a money grab.

We reached out to Nicole Bass in 2003 for a Pick My Brain interview. With her interesting background and personality, she’d have been perfect. To our pleasant surprise, she accepted our offer. Here’s what she wrote on April 7, 2003:

I dont normally say yes to interviews from wrestling sites, hell I generally so no! to most interviews. I have no idea why I am answering yes! but yes you can shoot me an e-mail and yes I will answer your questions, whatever I dont want to answer, you will get a simple no comment. deal?

love and muscle,
Pro Wrestler/Pro Bodybuilder

We quickly wrote up some questions and sent them off to her. Unfortunately, we never heard back. We sent a reminder, but still no luck.

Usually when that happens, we just answer the questions ourselves and make a Mock My Brain feature out of it, but at the time, we hadn’t thought of that idea yet. So nothing happened and we wrote those questions for nothing.

Our questions were pretty inoffensive, and I thought now would be a good time to post them for everyone to see. Until today, no one has ever seen these questions except Nicole Bass and I. Enjoy, and rest in peace Nicole 🙁

The Pick My Brain Interview with Nicole Bass That Never Was:

1. Nicole Bass, thank you for spending some time with us. Please use this 1st question to list all your plugs, websites, businesses, and anything else you’d like our readers to know about.

2. Let’s get the obvious out of the way. You get asked this all the time, so let this be the last. Why didn’t the Nicole Bass vs Joey Buttafuoco fight happen, and is it true or false that Joey made all these ridiculous demands in order for him to agree to the fight?

3. It’s hard to believe it has been almost 10 years since you reached fame by appearing on Howard Stern’s New Year’s Eve PPV. On the air, Howard and Robin can be brutally harsh with you, once bringing you to tears. When the microphones are off, is Howard cordial and nice to you, or does he act the same way off the air?

4. Howard has stated on the air that he once had a business proposal in the works to start his own wrestling company. Did he ever mention this to you, and if he went through with these plans, do you think he’d ask you to be a wrestling character?

5. Vince McMahon was very critical of your wrestling skills last year, and insisted that was the reason they let you go. You’re not the first employee Vince has criticized in public, and to be fair to you, WWE has hired dozens of performers who lacked experience and world-class wrestling skill. What WWE wrestlers trained you, and do you still wrestle on the independent scene?

6. Yes or No, has Nicole Bass ever:

Taken creatine:

Torn your rotator cuff:

Suffered a bicep tear:

Had a guy harass you at a bar, and then you beat the crap out of the guy:

Seen Steve Lombardi sign an autograph:

Wondered why anyone would want Steve Lombardi’s autograph in the first place:

Gotten an apology from Robin Quivers off the air:

Laughed at Stuttering John’s stutter:

Arm-wrestled KC Armstrong:

Stared at Baba Booey’s teeth:

Bought a Jackie Martling comedy CD:

Shared a dressing room with Chyna:

Tasted exotic meats such as buffalo or ostrich:

7. There are a lot of people reading this who train hard in the gym, but don’t get anywhere near the results wrestlers and bodybuilders do. For ordinary people who don’t want to take creatine, HGH, or steroids, what’s the best single piece of bodybuilding advice you can give?

8. Other Howard Stern Wack Pack members have gone into wrestling. Beetlejuice did some work with WCW, you were in WWE, Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf also did WWE, as did Crackhead Bob and a few others. Fred the Elephant Boy is a longtime wrestling fan and Observer reader. Something tells me the guy who brought you all in was fellow New Yorker and former WWE writer Vince Russo. Did Russo play a part in bringing you in, and if so, what was he like to work with?

9. Speaking of Russo, he is the head writer for a wrestling promotion in Tennessee called NWA TNA. They run pay-per-views every Wednesday night, and are desperate for media attention. I’m surprised they never tried to book you vs. Joey Buttafuoco after Stern couldn’t make it happen. Has NWA TNA ever contacted you about working for them, and if they did, would you consider it?

10. Which does Nicole Bass prefer?

Artie Lange or Jackie Martling:

Howard Stern as a married man or Howard Stern as a single man:

Free weights or machine weights:

Quick reps or slow reps:

Osama bin Laden or Saddam Hussein:

Shane McMahon or Stephanie McMahon:

Jack LaLanne or Arnold Schwarzenegger:

Chicken breasts or turkey breasts:

Chyna or Sable:

11. I worry about bodybuilders who consume excess amounts of protein. They either don’t know they’re murdering their kidneys, or they don’t care. What is your favorite source of protein, and how many grams of it do you eat per day?

12. You were in Kansas City the night Owen Hart died on pay-per-view. When were you told of his death, and did you think WWE should’ve canceled the show? Did you know Owen very well?

13. Are there any men in WWE you were able to bench press more than, and if so, would you mind telling us who they were?

14. Did the road agents in WWE ever give you feedback on your matches, or did they not say anything?

15. I thought Chyna would destroy Joey Buttafuoco, but I was wrong. However, if you fought Joey, I think you’d beat the living Hell out of him. He wanted all this money and had all these demands, but you were willing to fight for free, with no stipulations at all. What made you so confident you’d beat Joey?

16. Chyna, a.ka. Joanie Laurer, has been able to make pretty good money in Japan based on her success in America, and her wrestling skill isn’t anything special. Your look is more unique than hers, and your physique is a lot more impressive. With the proper training, you could probably be a decent attraction in Japan and make good money there. Would you ever consider wrestling in Japan, given the success Chyna has had there?

17. Without a doubt, you must get recognized in the streets and whenever you go out in public. WWE has a big audience, but so does Howard Stern. Of all the people who recognize you on the streets, would you say most are Stern fans, or WWE fans?

18. I’m not asking you about your lawsuit with WWE, because you probably aren’t legally allowed to discuss it. Whether they were guilty or not, I admired them for not taking the case lightly. If you had succeeded, there likely would’ve been several more women who’d want to copy you and sue WWE. The negative for you is that the media generally sided with WWE, and not you. If you could go back in time, would you have filed the lawsuit?

19. Fair or not, you did what thousands and thousands of struggling actors will never do: you got a mention in TV Guide, the most widely read publication in America. I say, strike while the iron is hot! I’d totally cash in on your fame, and book as many media appearances, personal appearances, and independent wrestling gigs as possible. Hell, I’d even hire someone to write your biography. Since last year’s case, have you seen an increase in your business, and do you have any more big projects coming up?

20. Finally, let’s talk Stern. Nicole Bass didn’t win the Miss Howard Stern crown, but you’ve blown away the competition as far as getting famous. Debbie Tay the Space Alien passed away. Elaina Biesty hasn’t been heard from in years. The winner of the contest got a divorce and is all but forgotten. The woman who ate maggots, well, who know what she’s doing now. Without question, Howard Stern has been an invaluable help in your career. That said, Stern’s pay-per-view show grossed almost $40 million in one night. Of that amount, did you ever see a penny? (In Howard’s defense, he barely saw a penny either, after all the cable companies and middlemen took their cut).