STAMFORD, CT — World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) main event wrestler Great Khali has been edited out of human life, reported WWE producer Kevin Dunn.
As part of the decision, Khali is no longer allowed to be seen in daylight for fear he will be exposed for being an awkward, clumsy wrestler with no actual wrestling talent.
The decision was in response to all the times Khali has been edited off SmackDown and other WWE programs after botching so many spots with arch nemesis Undertaker.
Khali was also recently removed from house show main events with the Undertaker, due to repeated horrible matches that exposed his lack of experience and talent to fans in attendance.
“We just got sick to death of editing him off TV segments seemingly every week,” said Dunn, frustrated by Khali’s lack of ring prowess. “He screwed up everything, even walking to the ring. He’s got absolutely no coordination and all the agility of a statue. We figured, why not just edit him out of life altogether? Bingo, problem solved.”
Khali has been ordered to not show his face during the daytime, because fans might be able to see him.
“Everything he does has gotta be in the dark,” stated Dunn. “This guy can’t so much as hail a cab without losing his balance and falling over. What if a fan sees this? He will think Khali is a joke, and his feud with Undertaker won’t draw.”
During the daytime, Khali will largely be sleeping or doing indoor activities. He is allowed to show his face during the nighttime, but even then has to keep a low profile.
One WWE fan saw Khali check into the hotel the morning of the announcement, and his experience confirmed WWE’s fears.
“I saw Khali around 9am,” said the fan, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “He went to dig in his pockets for his keys, but his hands missed the pocket. He hit his knees instead, which was nowhere close to the target.”
Another fan saw Khali in the restaurant, ordering drinks.
“The bartender gave him a beer, but when he went to drink it, the glass came nowhere close to his mouth,” explained the fan.
“Beer splashed everywhere. It was embarrassing. The bartender then gave him a straw, but Khali was so immobile that he couldn’t grip the straw. It was like the Tin Man in Wizard of the Oz.”
Khali was seen trying to hug his fellow wrestlers good-bye, since he will not be seeing much more of them once he becomes nocturnal. Khali went to hug Chris Benoit, but he blew the spot.
Benoit broke his two upper ribs as both grapplers tumbled to the floor, breaking several nearby vases.
After Benoit was taken away on a stretcher, Khali went to high-five Mr. Kennedy. He blew that spot as well, causing Kennedy to pop both shoulders out of his socket. Before he could do any further damage, Khali was escorted out of the lobby by police.
Sadly, Khali blew that spot too, resulting in the pants of all three officers being pulled down. One of the officers wasn’t wearing underwear, and it is believed Khali broke the man’s penis during the fracas.
The hotel maid helped Khali lay down in the bed, but Khali missed the spot by not taking the bump correctly. He landed flat on his back, falling through the roof and nearly squashing an unsuspecting elderly couple on the first floor. Thankfully, Khali was so uncoordinated that he missed the couple by a few yards, landing on the toilet instead.